The Road So Far…

Wow.

Hello everyone! It has been positively ages since I have posted on this blog! I deeply apologize for leaving you all hanging on the story of Alice Gaile. I truly did have  plan for her, and I will try to finish it eventually, though admittedly I am more busy than I have been in the past. I also apologize for not responding to any of your comments. I feel you should know the reason for this was not out of disinterest for them, but rather because I forgot my password and was locked out for the past 9 months. Never fear however, as I will respond to your comments as soon as I can.

As for how my life has been in the time since I last posted, well, an awful lot has happened. So let’s start at the beginning.

It is July 2017 and I am fresh out of elementary school. I have little time to let that sink in as I am instantly bombarded by theater. I am in a play called Catch Me If You Can, performed by CYMC. It is very busy and if I’m honest, a little overwhelming. One of the greatest experiences of my life, and I am saddened that I am unable to do it again this year.

It is August 2017 and I am recovering from nonstop everyday acting. I spend some time in a trailer park in Osoyoos with my cousin for her birthday and I nearly die of heat stroke (not really, I was fine, don’t worry) I spend some time on Hardy Island with my Grandfather and brother, which I might make a post about in the future. I auditioned for Anne of Green Gables with my friends and I made an ensemble part.  I am hanging out with my friends as much as possible, and mentally preparing for…

September 2017. I am entering high school as a grade 8, and I’ve changed my name back to my birth name of Jessica. I have never been so terrified of school before now. Albeit, it is made easier by my brother and many friends from acting. It is my goal to be kind and friendly, and try to remain on top of my work. Rehearsals for Anne are starting up and things are looking pretty good. I am connecting with old friends and making new ones. Things are going well, I even went to see my first horror movie with my friends! However, I am starting to dislike how disrespectful my peers are of the teachers.

October 2017. It is the months of all things spooky and scary and all I can think about is grades and friends and toxic relationships and plans for the future and I’m feeling very overwhelmed. It is now that I am making a power point on why my parents should let me home school, even though I would never show them.

November 2017. Remember when I said I was feeling very overwhelmed? Try to imagine what it was like. The most unmotivated and tired and afraid of failure you have ever felt. Now double it. Now imagine that through the eyes of me, a known drama queen and famed over reactor. Now you are starting to get an idea of how I’m feeling right now. The world has never looked so bleak, I am having more consecutive “worst days of my life” than I have ever had, school isn’t fun anymore, education isn’t beautiful. Everything is tiresome. This is midterms. OK, it isn’t actually “midterms”, but I am having a test almost every week, more cramming and studying then ever, more homework, more rehearsals, everything is bigger and scarier and life is just bad. At the very least, I was being recognized for working so hard. I was given a certificate for being in the top ten students for best grades in my grade. So that was nice.

December 2017. I am getting a bit better now that midterms are over. Anne is getting closer and closer and my mind is gearing more towards theater than towards school. Christmas comes and goes, Anne of Green Gables is a success, things are winding down, but I’m getting increasingly more worried about going back to school. It is now that I ask my parents if I can home school. They say we will talk about it in January. I wait.

January 2018. Six day into the year I cut off a little over half of my hair and dye it red, so that’s cool. I have been in school for 70 days now. On my 71st, the first day back after Christmas, I go home early because of intense pain n my torso. You could argue it is from stress, or just a random stitch. This is the day my mother and I discuss homeschooling, and she gives in. The next day I hand in my books and sign up for PIE, or Partners In Education, where I have been learning to this day.

February 2018. I have had numerous freak outs because I feel like I made a mistake in choosing to home school. But eventually, after meeting with my teacher, I get everything sorted out and things have never been better. School is fun again, and education is beautiful.

That brings us to today. It is early evening and the rain is hammering down. I am warm, and happy, and ahead of schedule for schoolwork, and I got my blog back so that’s pretty radical. Life has never been so good. All is well.

If you are younger than me and reading this thinking, “Oh god I am absolutely hooped if this is what high school is like” then relax. Don’t worry. Most of this stress was being put on me by me. I was so scared of not getting good grades that I was slowly killing myself over perfect work. It was so bad that my friends would dread projects and assignments solely because my stress was so intense that it was contagious. It would literally rub off on them. So chillax. Unless you, like me, are a workaholic with an intense fear of failure, then you will be fine. Even if you are a workaholic, you can handle it. I believe in you. There is always hope. Things will be alright.

Thank you so much for reading mi amigos. It has been a crazy time since I last wrote. I am so glad to be back though, and will hopefully be uploading the third part of Alice Gaile and the GMO Gnomes soon. Until next time, so long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I will see you all in my next post! (Man it has been too long since I have typed that!)

~Jessica

What did I Learn at Camp?

How did I find myself here? Standing at the top of a wobbly, hazardous telephone pole while my classmates encourage me to jump? I am just now realizing that was a very ominous sentence. Don’t worry! My tale is not one of tragedy! After all, I survived my three days at the Tribune Bay Outdoor Education Center to write this, did I not? Talking of writing, in this particular piece I will be passing unto you of a few of the very valuable life lessons I learned while out in the wilderness pretending to be a deer.

The first life lesson that I acquired while bush bashing was to make the best of a sour situation. So what if you forgot your lucky pair of socks? What’s the matter if you can’t swim in the ocean for fear of a severe allergic reaction to the salt in the water? You have other socks! And at least you won’t have to bring a towel down to the beach. The second one has particular importance to me, seeing as I am mediocrely allergic to salt water. Making the most of an un-fun situation is something that is really good to learn and even better to carry with you for life. And besides, even if you are a bit upset, there is no use whining over things you can’t change. So chin up now, Pip pip!

The next virtue I learned is to get out of your dang head already! Over thinking things makes most everything worse, so just shove your instincts aside and do it. Going with your gut is only a good idea if there is real risk, as opposed to perceived risk. Perceived risk is when, for example, you are harnessed in to a climbing wall and only think you are going to fall, instead of actually climbing a mountain where one wrong move and you plummet to your death. So as I was saying, go with your instincts if you are in a real life threatening situation, and not just a simulation. This one I learned at camp last year, when I stayed too long at the top of the ladder on the opossum log and had to climb back down. If you stay in your head too long, you begin to tell yourself stories that aren’t true, you talk yourself out of doing fun things and you will regret it later.

Finally, the most important thing I learned about myself at camp, is alone time is the best time! Amid seventh grade drama, global warming, overwhelming stress at the immanent suffering you will endure at high school, and general gloom and doom, I always find comfort in being alone to wander around in my mind palace. I learned this when I found myself thinking some very violent thoughts that I will not be including here. Later I realized it was because I hadn’t been alone to ponder life and the concept of existing for three days. Three days. That’s 72 hours. When I got home and was finally able to be away from people, I found immediate relief in just being thoughtful for a few hours.

In conclusion, remembering to wear sunscreen and packing extra blankets is always good, but these lessons are things that aren’t necessarily tied to physical objects. These are lessons that no one can see, and no one can take away from you. The kind of things you teach your kids and

grandkids. Or your friends kids and grandkids if you don’t want children, like me. So the moral of this story of morals (you see what I did there) is to be observant. Look around! Listen to others. Trust your friends, and yourself more. Think to yourself “is there anything to be learned from this situation?” more often. And most importantly, always keep in mind that life is precious, so enjoy your time in this brief period of consciousness between two states of non-being as much as you can. Seriously, you never know when raccoons could become sentient and take over the world. Their tiny hands are not to be trusted.

 

Hello readers. I hope you enjoyed my essay about camp and what I learned there. I apologize deeply for the absence of Alice Gaile and the GMO Gnomes part 3, I am trying to start it, but I have some severe writers block. I will try to sum up Alice Gaile soon, but I may never do so. until next time, so long! Farewell! Auf Wiersehen! I might never post again but I probably will!

~Lyric

Alice Gaile and the GMO Gnomes Part 2

“This is like something out of an Indie teen movie, only way more surreal, and slightly morbid”

I was at the bus stop waiting for a bus to sweep me away to Marietta, Ohio, when I should’ve been in gym. I was  practically throwing away my education on a hand full of clues that I wasn’t even completely sure about! OK, you don’t need to escalate it that much. You’re missing one day, two tops, and it’s not like you have ever missed a day of school before. You’ll be fine. I had been told that I was good at stress de-escalation, but it was now that I was truly grateful for it. The bus arrived with a screeching halt. I checked my bus schedule to make sure I wasn’t getting on the wrong bus.

“Hey Missy, you coming?” the bus driver gruffly inquired. 

I was the last one of the small crowd waiting at the bus stop to get on the bus, so I quickly pulled out my bus pass and trotted up the steps to scan it. 

“Yeah, I am, sorry” I muttered. 

I slid onto the empty-ish bus and took my place at a window seat near the back. All was peaceful and quiet for about 17 seconds until a deranged, over tired looking elderly lady came on and sat, you guessed it, right beside me. On a mostly empty bus. Why does crazy find me even when I’m not looking for it? I thought to myself. The lady promptly put her bag on the floor, opened it up to pull out a tinfoil hat, plunked it on her head and turned to face me.

“You aren’t one of them, are you?” she asked me suspiciously.

“I.. don’t think so, no” I replied.

“Oh good!” The woman said, breaking into a toothless smile. “I’m Babette, pleased to meet you”

“I’m Alice, good to meet you too” I said, trying to be polite. “Where are you travelling to?” I was trying to make casual, normal conversation, before she pulled me into a deep discussion about whoever “they” were.

“I’m headed to Ohio, on my way to a garden contest. I heard some spooky stuff’s been going on down there and I wanted to see for myself. I’m a bit of a conspiracy theorist, I am” she said with a grin. “Where are you headed?”

“I’m headed to Ohio as well, also for a garden contest” I said, my mind reeling. I had to come up with a way to find out what was going on, or if I should just turn back now. If there was anything I had learned from doing this supernatural thing, it’s that conspiracy theorists are usually right, even if they don’t know they are. “Say, you aren’t heading to Marietta for that garden contest, are you?”

“Why I am indeed! You heard of all the stuff that’s been going on there?”

“I certainly have!” I said, getting a little too excited. “What do you think caused all that produce to just disappear?” I asked, trying to regain a bit of dignity.

“If you ask me, I say it’s all in the seeds” Babette expressed. “If you listen to the news clip again, you’ll hear her mention those seeds she planted. Now, when you are as professional a conspiracy theorist as I, you get access to an awful lot of files. Those seeds she bought? were from none other than Sanmonto, that company that everyone thinks is evil.”

“That makes sense! That must be why they were growing so fast! But it doesn’t explain why they were gone so suddenly.”

“Oh child, it does if you dig deep enough! You see, Back in the sixty’s, when garden gnomes were all the rage, and Sanmonto was just new, all those garden enthusiasts back then were queuing up for miles just to get their hands on those seeds!” She recalled, growing nostalgic. “Anyway, there were a few cases all those years ago of peoples garden gnomes going missing along with their produce. What I think happened is the chemicals activated some of the radioactivity in the plastic used for making those gnomes, and they came to life with a hunger for leafy greens. When Sanmonto heard of this, they changed a few of the chemicals going into those seeds and the gnome and produce vanishing acts stopped. Until now, when I’m assuming some nitwit employee accidentally put seeds from 1960 on the shelf instead of 2017. And that is what I think is going on” Babette finished with yet another smile.

“Well, it isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with dolls, so this should be a breeze” I muttered to myself. What I didn’t know, however, was how I was going to find and stop those gnomes before they ate anymore fruit and veg. “Hey Babette, did anyone ever get around to finding those gnome in the sixty’s, and if so, how did they get them back to normal?”

“Why you bet they did! Some people from my conspiracy theorist group tracked them down by following their tiny little boot prints and when they finally found them, they were in a marsh behind a lawn ornaments factory, and they were all back to normal, just floating there! The gnome hunters guessed that there was something being pumped out of the factory and into the marsh that de-activated the gnomes craving, and they were all returned to their owners.”

“Interesting, quite, and you said it was something in the marsh water that returned them to normal?”

“Oh heavens no! It was a chemical from the factory in front of the marsh, and the people tracking the gnomes narrowed it down to carcinogenic polyvinylpyrrolidone plastic, a common chemical in hairspray.”

“Oh thank god! Thank you so much Babette, for sharing your wisdom with me” I said completely full of gratitude. She had basically solved my case for me! Now all I had to do was find the gnomes, and a butt ton of hairspray…

OK… I have some explaining to do. I’M SORRY OK?! I didn’t mean to leave you hanging for a month, but here’s the thing. I had this written within the week I published the first part, but my proof reader (thanks mom) left me hanging for a month. So technically, I’m not the one at fault. So long! Farewell! Auf Weidersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Geo Bunny

Hello everyone!

Earlier in the week, we as a class did a project called the Geo Bunny. Weird as it may sound, it was actually pretty fun! I was travelling for the original due date, but my splendid teacher pushed back the deadline for me a bit so I could complete it. The overall gist of it is that you make a bunny out of geometric shapes and then you calculate the perimeter and area of those shapes and then the perimeter and area of the overall bunny. Fun, right? So without further adieu, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Archibald McTailface.

Archibald McTailface has many a thing that makes him unique. He has an extreme nose that distinctly smells chocolate eggs, and an extreme tail that’s abnormally large for a bunny that acts as an arm, used specifically for grabbing eggs, whether chocolate or not. His tail was stretched in a childhood incident that he doesn’t like to speak of, but between the two of us, it was because it got stuck beneath the conveyor belt of the Queen’s egg sorting machine, and it was pulled until it was as long and bushy as a raccoons tail.

So that is the story of Archibald the Geo Bunny! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. The next part of Alice Gaile and the GMO Gnomes is on the way, I just need to proof read it. So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Alice Gaile and the GMO Gnomes

“That’ll be $4.99 please”

“Alright, here you go”

“Wonderful! Have a nice day!”

Florence McDuffet had just purchased some seeds for the 2017 April garden contest of her neighborhood. Every year, she tried her very best to have the most amazing garden, and every year, she was beaten by Abby Andrews by just one cabbage. But not this year. Florence had heard of an amazing company, Sanmonto, they made seeds the made your veggies grow ten inches bigger, and twice as fast! She was determined to win, as she had never won anything before. As Florence pulled into her driveway, she smiled at her ever growing collection of gnomes sitting in her second place garden. She took pride in how large her gnome family had grown in the year since the last garden contest. She unloaded her trunk and wasted no time in grabbing her garden gloves from her greenhouse where she left them and started planting the seeds in her vegetable garden. “I am going to win. I am going to win. I AM GOING TO WIN!” she thought to herself as she buried her final seed. That night, she went to bed with hope in her heart, and pride in her head. “I am going to win…” she thought for the final time as she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning she was very surprised to see seedlings already poking up out of the ground. “These really are miracle seeds” she murmured to herself in amazement.  Over the next few days, she noticed that her rutabaga, tomatoes, peas and pumpkins were flowering in various shades of yellow and white. The lettuce was leafing up a bright green. The next weeks brought the most beautiful produce Florence had ever seen!!  “I am going to win!!! I know it!!” she declared. “Tomorrow I will harvest!”

When she awoke the following day, Florence leaped out of bed and swiftly went to admire her vegetable garden. As she opened her back door her heart dropped at the sight she saw. All of her produce was completely gone!  It was as if a strange beast had come and eaten all of it. Her rutabaga, peas, tomatoes, pumpkins and lettuce she had planted the previous month were gone! Florence didn’t know what to do. In a state of hysteria she started to run around the house. As she rushed past her front garden she noticed her gnomes. Or where her gnomes should have been. What she saw instead made her faint. It was so horrible, so dreadful, so ghastly, that she couldn’t bear to see it. All of her gnomes were gone too, and in their place, there was nothing but tiny footprints heading toward the road that lead into the city.

 

“Alice, hurry up, you’ll be late!” my mom said while putting on her shoes. She was halfway out the door on her way to work when I came down to the kitchen fully dressed and in a right state. I hated being late. I checked the clock on my way to the kitchen. It was 7:10. My school started at 8:50. “Mom!” I exclaimed. But she was already gone. “Ugh, whatever” I muttered to myself. “I’m hungry anyway.” I fried up an egg and turned on the TV to the most obscure news channel I could. If I am going to do this supernatural extermination thing regularly, I thought, might as well try and find any cases of weird stuff before they found me. I hadn’t done much since the elf at my aunts this past Christmas, but I still wanted to try. As soon as The TV woke up, I was blasted with the unmistakable sound of a distressed woman crying. I turned the volume down a bit, sat down at the table to eat my egg and listen to the woman’s woes.

“I had planted some wonderful seeds, and all month I was amazed at how fast they grew” the woman wailed. “This morning I woke up and all of my produce was gone!”

Oh goody I thought to myself. Perhaps this is something!  “Now ask if it looked weird or something” I urged the reporter. “Ask!”

“Now madam, would you say that your produce looked odd? Possibly like it had been eaten?” The reporter inquired.

“Hallelujah! That’s a start!” I said to myself and the lady on TV.

“Well, yes come to think of it. I mean, How else would it have just disappeared like that?”

“Hmm. Very odd indeed. Perhaps it was just rabbits or something. I’ve heard from your neighbor that this neighborhood has quite the infestation-”

“Oh yeah, maybe it was rabbits wearing boots or something”  the woman being interviewed said sarcastically.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Well there were some odd tracks headed toward the main road before you lot arrived and ran them over with your camera van.”

I turned off the TV before she could go further. Odd boot tracks and vanishing produce was all I needed. With my head racing, I looked at the clock. It was probably wisest for me to leave for school then, seeing as I loved being early, but instead, I packed a bag with a spare outfit, my bus pass and schedule, and some change from my allowance. I had a case! For the first time in months, I finally had something to occupy my thoughts. As I was packing, I formed a plan in my head. If I left as soon as I got off of school, I could probably make it by nightfall- wait. Where does this chick even live? I ran back downstairs and flipped the TV back on to the same channel.

“Thank you for sharing Florence. We here wish you the best of luck with your garden. And now to Reginald with the weather.”

The local news logo flashed onscreen and I was able to make out the location. Marietta, Ohio. OHIO?! I lived in Massachusetts, there was no WAY I’d be able to make it to Ohio that day… Unless I skipped school. Alice, listen to yourself. Skipping school?  For a case that you don’t even know is a case? This is crazy!! 

Shut up conscience, I’m going, I told myself. But if I was going to stick to this plan, I was going to have to leave right then and there.

So that is part one of Alice Gaile’s adventures with the GMO Gnomes, whatever that means. This may or may not be more than two parts, as I’m travelling tomorrow and I had to wrap this up rather quickly. But there is a lot more that I want to add to this story, so stay tuned, and I’ll try not to leave you hanging for literal months this time! So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

The Alphabet of Me!

There’s a lot to know about me, so I thought I’d break it down into its simplest form. Alphabetically. I have done it almost completely out of order, so you’ll have to guess at whether or not I have all the letters. You won’t learn all about me, but here is a snippet.

Stone lettersI have been around for quite some time, almost 13 years, and in that time I have learned everything from my brother’s name, Zach, to my Grandma’s favorite colour, yellow, and all the other quirks in between. So, fun fact about me: Lyric isn’t my real name. OK, it’s kind of my real name, but also kind of not. It’s my middle name. My first name, you may wonder, is Jessica. Whoa, I know! What a shock!  Congratulations, you have now entered The Name Game.  Some cool things about me are that I love dogs, painting, umbrellas (I just think they’re interesting) and theatre. My favourite type of music is Broadway music. I really dislike gym, ice hockey, cleaning, x-treme sports, and I’m really bad at knitting.  I don’t have any allergies, which is good because I can bake whatever I want. I plan to someday go to Europe to see some sights, landmarks, and the like. while I’m there, I really want to go see Hogwarts, or t least the place they used to film Harry Potter. Some cool Harry Potter facts about me are that my favourite character is Luna Lovegood because she is a Ravenclaw like me! The main goal of a Ravenclaw is to be clever, witty and wise.  My favourite spells are Accio, Lumos, and Expecto Patronum, and my favourite potions are Felix Felicis, Amortentia, and Veratiserum. My favourite T.V. shows are Supetrnatural, Once Upon A Time, Gilmore Girls and Riverdale. Oh, what do you know, we’ve finished the alphabet!

 

So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Image: Tom Magliery via Compfight

The Crazy Capturing of Cupid

Dear Diary,

It’s been 139 days since I first got trapped in here. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the light of day, felt the sun on my face and felt the wind in my minimal hair. I miss seeing the woozy look on peoples faces after I shoot them… with my love arrows.

I can still remember so clearly how I got in here. I was flying high above the clouds when I realized that there was a box miles below me. I swooped down to go see what it was all about, and as I got closer, I realized that there was someone inside! He seemed sad, I could smell the heartbreak on him. I decided to be generous and help him out, but as soon as I entered the box, the lid that was precariously perched above it snapped down and I have been trapped ever since. About two minutes after the lid snapped down, two people came trotting out of the not-suspicious bushes sitting weirdly close to the box and brought me here. To this prison they call a school.

They told me on the way here that the only reason they were doing this was because they wanted my powers for themselves, and that they had no need worry, because they were the “good guys”. THE GOOD GUYS. Oh sure, trapping me here to become your slave for reasons that are completely selfish, and you are the GOOD GUYS. Jeez, I don’t even want to know what the bad guys are like if these tyrants are the good ones.

The worst part is, I don’t even have any company here! The person I saw that lured me here in the first place? He was a dummy! Completely fake!

~Cupid

Dear Diary,

It’s been 139 days since we trapped Cupid in the basement of our school. He hasn’t really been all that helpful, I think the only reason that The Boss wanted us to trap him was to test out the completely genius trap that we designed. It really was amazing. We created a box and a dummy to put inside, plus a lid and lid prop, and some really believable “not-suspicious bushes” to hide in, and we were done! It was super easy, and truly brilliant.
This does go against a few of my morals though. My partner in capturing Cupid, Andrea, didn’t seem fazed at all by this. I think it’s kind of monstrous, but I can’t help if The Boss has dazzling skill in all things evil. I mean come on! We’re keeping him in our basement and only letting our own people use his powers instead of sharing him with the world. It’s completely selfish, really.
Well, I should go. The Boss is calling for our attention, probably to propose another crazy plan. What’s next, kidnapping Santa?

~Lyric

So that is the story of cupid and his captors! My class did a Valentines Day Breakout and the theme was cupid capturing, so there is my opinion on capturing cupid. The diary entry says it all. It was a fun Breakout, and I had a blast, but i think it’s completely barbaric to capture a flying baby! At least that’s my opinion. So long! Farewell! Auf Weidersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Edited by: Briana

Alice Gaile and the Evil Elf on the Shelf (Part 2)

“But mom, she hit my leg!”

It was a few minutes after the entertaining events in the wreck room, and Brittany, to my delight, was being scolded by her mother. “Brittany Clements, I do not want to hear it! Your cousin was merely protecting herself from your stupidity!” She added in a hushed one, “It is our job to make her and her mother feel welcome in this home, and your siblings are looking up to you to be a good example! After all, they are the only thing we have left of him!” A pang of sorrow slashed through my chest. I hadn’t realized how much my fathers death had affected them. Turns out grief is a two way street.

THUD! A noise in the hallway made everyone in the kitchen jump. It sounded like a book falling from the shelf. The Clements did not own a cat or any other sort of pet. “Oh my GOD, WHAT WAS THAT???” Beatrice screeched. “I’ll go look” I said, getting up from the table. I walked down the hallway with caution, until I came upon the book shelf. The Chronicles of Krystonia  was lying open on the floor. The doll that I had seen sitting on it earlier was nowhere to be found. I looked around, trying to see where it had gone, when I noticed a small hole in the drywall by the corner. Just then, all the lights went out and I was left in the dark in the hallway. A chorus of screams echoed  from the kitchen, the loudest and highest pitched emitting from Brett. I rushed to the rest of my family, about to tell them what I saw, but as I neared the door, it slammed shut and locked before I could open it! “It’s that creepy elf!” I shouted through the door. “Arm yourselves and stay away from the walls, especially any vents! I have a feeling it’s traveling by pipes.”

“That’s impossible! It’s been mother moving it all this time, hasn’t it?!” Aunt Isabella looked at Brittany with terror in her eyes. “I-I thought it-t was you d-doing that!” she stuttered.”  Great. Creepy doll on the loose in the walls of my aunts house, and  was the one out in the open. Suddenly, I realized where I recognized the elf from. It was in my dream! OK, that was a bonus, but I still had to try to remember how to stop it.

He sees you when you’re sleeping… He knows when you’re awake..”  I turned around and saw the elf just as it dropped from the ceiling fan.  Fear  struck me in my soul, chilling me to the bone. If it was anything I was afraid of, it was dolls. New, old, antique, I don’t care. Especially if they move. On their own.  This was usually the part of my dream where I woke up, but instead of pinching my self to try to wake, I charged toward the elf. It sprinted away, but not before it’s tiny hat fell off it’s head. I grabbed it, looking for a tag to see how to end the thing.  I finally found it, and began to read. It said:

ELF ON THE SHELF: Wash in cold water, and air dry

Materials: 100% Cotton, red dye #5, green dye #17

For those who partake in supernatural activities, The Elf on the Shelf will automatically drain itself of all magic if it comes in contact with brass in any form.

Made in Taiwan

 

I looked around for something, anything made of brass in the living room. I saw the candle holders on the mantel piece and rushed toward them like my life depended on it, which in a way it did. In my dreams, the elf usually wasn’t friendly. I broke the candle off of the holder and checked the bottom for a label of any sort. 100% Brass. Perfect. I turned around and silently jumped off the mantel in hopes of tricking the elf into thinking that the living room was safe. I heard a creepy, nearly inaudible, subdued sounding giggle from the heater by the window. I rushed to hide behind the couch in hopes of luring it out. I peeked out from beside it and saw two little red legs sticking out from under the heater. I ducked back into hiding, and in my haste I knocked over a vase that for some reason beyond my knowledge was right next to the couch. The stick like legs shot back into the heater. “Darn” I thought to myself. If I could only lure it back out into the living room, and away from the kitchen, my family’s safety would be one less thing to worry about. I heard the giggle again, only this time it was coming from the kitchen. “Prepare yourselves! It’s coming to the kitchen!!” I screeched at the door, but my voice was lost over the sound of screams echoing from the kitchen. “No!”  My mind was racing as I felt the panic rising to my throat. And then I blacked out.

 

“I just can’t believe it… I really did it…”

I came to lying in the guest room. Beatrice was tittering on excitedly while my mother watched Aunt Isabella mop my forehead with much concern. “Beatrice, she’s awake. If you must, you can tell her now.” Aunt Isabella said with a hint of exasperation.

“ALICE!!! Guess what!? I killed the elf!!”

“You WHAT!?”  I exclaimed, not even trying to hide the surprise in my voice. “How? How did you know what to do?”

“Well, when the elf came into the kitchen, Mom clasped her hands together and started to pray. I myself was looking at the elf in absolute horror, and I saw that it was afraid of something on moms hands, and since her wedding ring was the only thing on her hands, I decided to take action!”

“She grabbed my hand and slammed it down on the elf.” Aunt Isabella said, with an almost imperceptible shudder of fear at the memory. “She dented the floor, but at the very least the elf was killed.”

“But how did you know Aunt Isabella’s ring was made of brass?” I inquired, almost putting the pieces together.

“I didn’t! That’s the cool thing! I just sort of… did it!”

Beatrice may have been an idiot, but she had in fact saved our lives. My mom and I ended up having a relatively good Christmas at the Clements residence, and I was shocked to see I was sad when we had to leave. When we got home, I flopped down onto my bed and was about to fall into a deep, hopefully dreamless sleep, when I heard the mysterious whoosh noise by my bookshelf. I sat bolt upright in hopes of seeing what the cause of the noise was, but to my dismay, the books seemed ordinary. That is, until I saw that the dust that had accumulated over Christmas was broken near the spine of the blank book that had appeared on my bed all those years ago. I walked over and flipped a couple pages in. The next free page in my book had been occupied by this paragraph:

 

POSSESSED OBJECTS:

When dealing with a possessed object, one must first know what said object is possessed by. Common ways to end a possession are as follows: exorcisms, salt, fire, iron, and in some cases, one must even take a stab in the dark and go for brass, like our dear friend Beatrice Clements. If you find that your possessed object is a doll, more often than not, brass should do just fine in vanquishing it.

~R.E. Black

 

Hey everyone,

I’m so sorry I left you all hanging on the case of dear Alice and her evil elf, but it was Christmas, and then it was new year, and then I had family commitments, and then I had dental work done, but I’m here now! I hope you enjoyed the second part of the second supernatural adventure of Alice Gaile. Now that I’m kind of back in the swing of things, I will most likely be posting more soon.

So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I’ll see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Alice Gaile and the Evil Elf on the Shelf (Part 1)

“He sees you when you’re sleeping… He knows when you’re awake…”

I woke up tangled in my sheets and covered in a cold sweat, even though it was below zero outside. It was the third time that week I had had that dream, and I was beginning to find it odd. It wasn’t the first time I had thought that my “weird dreams” were trying to tell me something, because it had happened before. When I was seven years old, I had a dream that I fell out of a tree and broke my arm, the night before I fell out of a tree and broke my arm. So yeah, trippy dreams, man. They’re just a part of me, I guess. Still, no reason not to be wary of them…

“99 bottles of milk on the wall, 99 bottles of milk…”

My mother sang happily to herself as we drove across the weary countryside on our way to my cousins house. They were the only family left on my dads side, so my mom insisted we visit them every Christmas. While I loved my dad, his nieces and nephews were possibly my least favourite people ever. There were three of the buggers, and they were all annoying.

“Why did I have to come, mom?” I pleaded to her.

“Because, Alice, they’re your cousins and they’re all we have left of him.” I knew right away what she meant. I also knew she was right, and that was the main reason why I was in a bit of a huff for the rest of the car ride there.

“Hello! Hello! Come in, you must be freezing!!” My aunt on my dad’s side, Aunt Isabella, was much more pleasant than her children. “Hi Auntie!” I said with a smile. Her house was very nice, and it always smelled like cookies and fresh baking.

“My dear Alice! How have you been! My goodness, you have grown a foot since I last saw you!”

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I  still only have two feet!” It was a tradition between the two of us to say that when we saw each other for the first time in a while. She ushered us into the kitchen, where a piping hot apple pie waited for us. “Shall I put the kettle on?” she said, serving us some pie. “I should have thought of it before you arrived, but I just wanted to be sure…”

“No, thank you Isabella. But the pie looks delicious!” My mother said, with sympathy in her voice

Aunt Isabella had been keeping herself extremely busy ever since my father died. She had already been struggling with opening a bakery at the time of his death, but now she was positively drowning in debt, and stress, and other nasty things that would make me want to die. But she always had a smile on her face, and always had her door open for anyone else who needed help.

“Aw, thanks Caroline, you’re a saint.”

“Alice, dear,” My mother said, turning to face me. “When you’re done with your plate, why don’t you go see your cousins! I’m sure they’re dying to see you”

“Oh yeah, you betcha! they have been non stop talking about you ever since we made this plan for a Christmas get together!” My aunt chirped.  Begrudgingly, I put my plate in the sink and went to find my cousins.

On my way down the hall, I noticed a creepy little doll sitting on one of the book shelves. It struck me as familiar, for some reason I couldn’t quite explain.  It was a small  red elf, with a green hat, sitting on The Chronicles  of Krystonia. I took a picture of it with my phone, and cautiously continued down the hall towards the rec room. I myself like to call it the wreck room, for reasons that would become all to clear soon enough. As I approached the door, the pungent smell of germs and old banana peels became stronger and it made me wish I didn’t have a nose. The sound of bickering siblings could be heard quite clearly over the blasting, tasteless music.

Have I Got a Present for You! [Explored 12/2/2011]

I should probably explain what kind of people my cousins are. You see, there are many different kinds of terrible, and they were all…special in their own way. For example, the youngest, Beatrice, was 11 years old and my god, I don’t know how, but she was always sticky! It was like if you were writing an information sheet on her, her special skills would be “STICKY!” I could hardly tolerate her.

And then there was the thirteen year old middle child, Brett. Now, Brett was not unbearable, but I swear, there were times when I wanted to club him over the head with his stupid two pound weights that he wouldn’t shut up about! “Hey, Alice, I bet I could beat you in a push up competition,” or “Hey, Alice, I’ll bet you didn’t know I’m the fastest in my grade” or my personal favourite “Hey, Alice, watch this…” as he proceeds to lift the heaviest thing of mine he can find, and throw off my organized little pile of belongings.

But let’s not forget the prissiest little pinch faced “love to hate ’em” cousin of them all. The eldest, at a whopping 15 years of age (she insists it’s 15 and a half, but it’s really not.) Brittany. Ah, Brittany. Where do you even start? She was the most typical villain ever. She had this white blonde hair, not unlike Draco Malfoy’s from the Harry Potter series. She was the captain of the cheerleader team, and was dating the quarter back of her schools football team. Her stupid little “boyfriend” was as dumb as nails, but I couldn’t care less about that. It was the fact that she, herself, was actually intelligent. She, Brittany Clements, was smart on a human level. Don’t get me wrong, I was still miles smarter, but it just made me crazy that she was actually smart and had good grades. But I digress. The Clements children were certainly not  the type of people I wanted or needed in my life. And yet here I was. Standing outside the wreck room, mentally preparing myself for what was behind that door.

“Beatrice, give it BACK!”

Now, before I tell you what happened when I walked through that door, let me just say, I had physically, mentally, and  emotionally prepared myself for what I was about to witness. But nothing  could have prepared me for what happened next. It all happened very quickly, maybe over the period of 3 seconds. From what I could hear in the hall way, Brett and Beatrice were wresting over one of Brett’s 5 pound weights, so I could tell he had gotten stronger since the last time I had seen them. Goody. The first thing I saw when I walked in was my swell old friend Brittany standing right next to the door practicing her high kicks. When I took a step inside, she had just begun to swing her leg up towards her head, and was about to hit my face. Brett had just attempted to grab the weight and Beatrice, the little brat that she was, saw me and threw the weight towards me. With the reflexes of a cat that I had been blessed with (thank god) I blocked Brittany’s leg, and in turn,  I kicked the absolute stuffing out  of that weight! It flew across the room, landing on the couch, all the while Beatrice was evilly overjoyed, Brett was fuming and Brittany was screaming in agony

Somewhere in the kitchen, the conversation paused. “See, I told you they’d be screaming in joy when they saw her!” Aunt Isabella said unknowingly.

How could you!!!” Brittany screeched. “You idiot! You just bruised my leg!” I looked at her leg. There was a minuscule red mark on her lower shin. I looked at her. Her face was redder than the mark itself. “Oh no,” I said with the least amount of sympathy I could muster. “It looks like we’ll have to amputate. Whatever shall we do” She was about the same colour as a fire hydrant now.

You can go die for all I care. am going to tell my mother of your grotesque behavior” And with that, she was gone.

 

So that is the first half of my Christmas edition Alice Gaile adventure! I will be posting the second half as soon as possible. So Long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I will see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

Photo credits: Jason Mrachina via Compfight

Alice Gaile and the Zombie Apocalypse~Part 2

“Please stop crying…

Now I know why I could never be a babysitter.  I was horrible at this! “How did Hermione do it so easily?” I wondered.

“Hey, at least tell me your name” I said, trying to get her out of this state.

“M- My name is Jillian, b-but everyone calls me Jia” she whimpered through tears.

“Okay Jia, we are going to get you out of here and to safety. Here’s the gist of what’s going on-”

“I know. They got my sister. I want to help end this.” Jeez, you try to help her and suddenly she’s GI Joe! Or should I say… Jia Joe.”  “Ok… well, I’m Alice, nice to meet, you, even under these circumstances, and uh… we need a game plan” I said, trying and failing to be heroic.

“Cool, well say we head to the grocery store just down the way over there” She said with expertise. “Flip a coin. Stealth, or just all out running?”

“What?”

“Stealth. Or. All. Out. Running?”

“No I got that, but doesn’t it seem a bit dangerous? I mean a minute ago, you were a crying heap on the floor, now you’re suddenly Hercules?”

“I’m an Aries. Let’s just go”

 

 

“What I wouldn’t give for a jazz band to follow us around playing the pink panther theme song right now”

We made it to the supermarket without a struggle, which was surprising. The zombies were nowhere to be found. “Maybe the apocalypse is over?” Jia said, unconvinced.

“Can’t be. Besides, I feel like we’re being watched…”

CLANK! A can fell from a shelf. There was no breeze in the supermarket.

They had caught up to us.

“Run!” I screamed. Jia bolted away from the canned food section and towards the organic foods. I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could even start to flee.

“Hey, relax, would you- UMPHH!

I elbowed whoever it was in the gut before they could say anything else.

“Hey, I’m not a zombie!” said a voice from behind me.

“Yeah, like that’ll convince me!” I turned around, and I’ll be a sea monkey’s uncle, she wasn’t lying. Behind me I see a girl, super tall, maybe about my age, with wavy red hair, rosy cheeks, and a friendly face. Of course, she was doubled over in pain, but friendly looking none the less.

“Oops… Sorry.”

 

 

“Oh wow. Oh my. The pain. Oh, good gravy. Whatever shall I do.”  She said jokingly.

“It’s all good. I suppose I’ll have to get used to it if this is the end of days.” The redhead grunted.

“Are you alone?” I ask cautiously.

“Yeah, I don’t know where anyone is, and I don’t have many friends.”

“Oh. Well, now you do. I’m Alice. You?”

“Robin”

“Well Robin, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, but wasn’t there someone else with you?”

Crap. Jia.

“Um, yeah actually… this way.”  I hope she’s okay as we head toward the organic food with extra caution, to avoid the previous situation happening again.

“Ah, there you are” Jia said with a smile. “Is this the so-called zombie?”

“Yep. Jia, meet Robin. Robin, meet Jia.”

They get little time to become acquainted, because that very moment, a soul piercing scream was heard all throughout the mall. And of course, it was followed by more zombie noises. Wonderful.

 

 

“Run for the bananas!”

I hoped that it would be clear enough directions for Jia and Robin, but would throw off the zombies enough to give us time to make a game plan.

“Head count. One, two, three. Perfect. WHAT DO WE DO NOW!!” I scream in a panic.

“For starters, calm down.” Jia said, as she took a bite of a banana.

“What do you guys know about zombies?” Robin tried to rationalize.

“If you chop off their head, the body will flounder” I quote from my favorite zombie book while chowing down on my banana.

“Well, where do you plan to find a machete in a bloody grocer’s?!” Jia whisper-yelled, throwing her banana peel over the barricade of banana.

Aragh Araaaaaaaaaaaaa … aa…aa.” The zombie screams faded into…” WHAT is going ON!”

The three of us just kind of stared blankly at one another until I finally peeked over the banana pile to see the clerk of the store standing there looking very confused.

“Banana peels… Oh my god, BANANA PEELS!!” The realization hit me as the clerk made his way over to our trio. “We need to eat as many bananas as humanly possible” Jia said excitedly, taking a huge bite from the next banana. I followed suit. The clerk even started chowing down on a couple. We are all eating as many bananas as we can, except Robin. “Gross! Oh my gosh I HATE bananas! “she exclaimed. How perfect.

 

 

“Well, how about you peel and we eat?”

“Ugh. Alright. If it means saving the world, but that’s it.”

We eventually got enough banana peels to cure the average amount of people that would be in a mall on a Saturday. “Oh my god. I can never eat one of those… potassium sticks EVER again!” Jia said uncomfortably.

“At least we have enough peels to save the planet” The clerk piped in.

“Okay, so how do we get the peels to the zombies?” I inquired.

“I have an idea” Robin said with a sly smile

“What?!” the three of us exclaimed. Time was money in this situation, because the zombies were closing in on the entrance to the supermarket.

“You know how zombies are attracted to noise?” she said, building up excitement.

“I say we start to play really loud noises on repeat on the P.A. system, and draw the zombies closer to…Wait for it… A banana peel wall!”

“Shhhh!” Jia hushed with urgency. “If the zombies really are attracted to noise, then shut up!”

“I think it’s a great plan. Now let’s get onto it! “

Precious minutes slip away as we build our banana peel wall.

“Hurry!” the clerk, who was our lookout, exclaimed. “They’re closing in!”

Robin, Jia and I start to pick up the pace as we stack the peels one on top of the other.

The plan was to have Jia pass the peels up to me, who would in turn give them to Robin to stack.

“Aaaaand… Done! Cue the noises!” The clerk ran to the checkout and started screaming into the P.A. system. The zombies drew nearer and nearer, gaining speed while Jia, Robin and I stood heroically behind the great wall of banana. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, seeing all those zombies racing towards us. Faster and faster until…

CRASH!!! The zombies slammed into the banana peels and instantly cured each one who touched them. I notice in particular a certain zombie. She was practically an older version of Jia. “Must be her sister” I thought to myself.  I watched as the decaying zombie flesh melted off her like butter on a frying pan. I thought what would have happened if the banana peels had killed the zombies instead of curing them. I thought of what we would have done then, what morals we would have had to leave to protect and keep the living living.

At last the final zombie was cured and there was peace once more. I let out a breath I didn’t even know I had been holding. The tension in the room was released, and it was finally over. We had won.

 

 

When I got home from the mall exhausted from paparazzi flash attacks, I flopped onto my bed and started to close my eyes. Whoosh. I sat bolt upright and looked around my room. I saw my two books that had mysteriously appeared when that sound had occurred previously sitting on my shelf. The updated version, I noticed, was slightly further out than the other one. Begrudgingly, I walked over and looked at the first page. What I saw left me without sleep that night.

jessica-front-zombie-head-shot

ZOMBIES~ In the case of a zombie, DO NOT over react. If the situation is dire, beheading them will work. But if you have time, and access to bananas, yes, I mean it, bananas, the peel of such fruit will cure the zombie of the virus, returning it to its human form. Such an amazing discovery was made by none other than Alice Gayle, Jia Tran and Robin Goldman.

~R.E. Black

 

Boom! Part two! What do you guys think?

Oh and by the way,what do you guys make of that author? R.E. Blackmoore?  Seems a bit off, to me. Just keep an eye on her for me, would you?

So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! I will see you all in my next post!

~Lyric

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